CFB Week 4 “Previews”

Ryan and Jimmy are both traveling for their real work this week, so I’m flying solo on the previews.

Worcester Polytechnic Institute (WPI) @ Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute (RPI) – Saturday, September 22 @ 12:00 pm CDT

“The Transit Trophy”

Information about the Transit Trophy can be found here and here. RPI leads the all-time series 55-45-5, including a 21-10-1 record since the trophy was created prior to the 1980 game.

Author: Bristol

Mascot

WPI – Engineers.

RPI – Engineers.

Advantage – Fucking smart kids. Let’s move on before I regret picking this matchup even more.

Best Player Name

WPI – Tie – Junior DL Joseph Szerszunowicz, sophomore DL Tom Chub (who has the biggest hickey ever), and sophomore WR Larry McGillicuddy. Honorable mention goes to the length of Gallagher Hogan‘s head.

RPI – Tie – Freshman WR DyQuann White-Salter & freshman RB Nick Schlatz (sounds like a delicious mix of Schlitz and Blatz; also what you would have if you drank that mix). Most obviously a kicker – Andrew Franks. Best mustache – Corey White. Most fitting HS name – Matt Hemm (Bacon Academy).

Advantage – WPI. I didn’t think the Schiltz/Blatz/mustache combo could be beat, but RPI turned its head for a moment and got McGillicuddied.

Coaching Staff (Most Awesome Member)

WPI – Nothing matters other than Glenn Arnold‘s facial hair.

RPI – Defensive coordinator and acting head coach Bob Bodor. Bodor was a three-time letterwinner on the offensive line for Denison University and has made the following coaching stops since 1991 – Johns Hopkins, Columbia, Penn, Hartwick, Albion, Colorado College, Kapa’a High School on Kauai Island, Hawaii, Colorado School of Mines & RPI. Assistant Coach Andy Sparano was disqualified for being the son of former Miami Dolphins Head Coach, and current New York Jets offensive coordinator Tony Sparano.

Advantage – WPI. Arnold’s face squirrel wins easily. One question for Bob Bodor – why the hell did you leave Kauai when you had a job and could have stayed forever?

Location

WPI – Worcester, MA.  Worcester is known as the “Heart of the Commonwealth” and “The City of the Seven Hills”. Worcester was first settled by the English in 1673, although it was re-settled twice, the last in 1713. The town was a center of revolutionary activity before and during the American Revolution. The first American valentine cards were designed and manufactured in Worcester. On October 19, 1924 the largest KKK meeting ever held in New England took place in Worcester. A riot broke out after the after the rally ended. Klansmen were pulled from their cars and beaten and had their vehicles burned and hit with rocks and stones. Shockingly, no further public Klan meetings were held in Worcester. The Worcester Music Festival is the oldest music festival in the United States. People from Worcester include poet Ernest Lawrence Thayer, who wrote Casey at the Bat; 60’s radical activist Abbie Hoffman; actress Jean Louisa Kelly (Yes, Dear & Uncle Buck); actor/comedian Denis Leary;  former MLB catcher Rich Gedman; and NBA Hall-of-Famer Bob Cousy.

RPI – Troy, NY.  Troy is known as the Collar City due to its history in shirt, collar, and other textile production. At one point, Troy was second in the U.S. to only Pittsburgh in iron production. The city was settled in the mid-17th century with the current name taken from the legendary city of Troy in 1789. The city claims to be the historical home of Uncle Sam via a legend that a local butcher named Samuel Wilson sent supplies to troops in the War of 1812. The barrels were marked U.S. which the troops jokingly took to mean “Uncle Sam”. In 1823, the Troy Sentinel newspaper was the first publisher of the poem The Night Before Christmas. Troy was home to two early major league baseball teams; the Troy Haymakers, who disbanded in 1872 after two seasons, and the Troy Trojans, who moved to New York and eventually became the New York Giants. Notable residents include MLB Hall-of-Famer John Evers of Tinker-Evers-Chance fame; novelist Kurt Vonnegut; and author Herman Melville (Moby Dick).

Advantage – Worcester. A lot of history in the two cities. It was a dead heat between Casey at the Bat / beating Klansmen and Moby Dick / Uncle Sam. But since Troy was home to the team that eventually became the San Francisco Giants, no points are awarded to that city and may God have mercy on its soul.

Notable Alumni

WPI – Robert H. Goddard, the father of modern rocketry; Robert Stempel, the inventor of the catalytic converter; Nancy Pimental, one of the writers of South Park and the person who replaced Jimmy Kimmel as co-host of Win Ben Stein’s Money; and John W. Geils Jr., who dropped out of WPI along with two other students to form the J. Geils Band, best known for their #1 hit Centerfold.

RPI – Brooklyn Bridge engineer Washington Roebling; George Ferris, who designed and built the original Ferris Wheel; Allen DuMont, creator of the first commercial television; Raymond Tomlinson, often credited with the invention of e-mail; inventor of the digital camera Steven Sasson; Hockey Hall of Famer Adam Oates; NCAA President Myles Brand; and director Bobby Farrelly.

Advantage – RPI. They created TV, e-mail and the digital camera, plus the Brooklyn Bridge and the Ferris Wheel. I love the J. Geils Band as much as the next guy, but that’s a hell of a resume, RPI.

Decision

WPI wins it 3-1-1 despite the impressive showing in creative alumni by RPI.

Montana Tech @ Rocky Mountain – Saturday, September 22 @ 2:00 pm CDT

Author: Bristol

Mascot

Montana Tech – Orediggers. Specifically, Charlie Oredigger. Order the inspirational Charlie Oredigger children’s book here. Read this to your kids and the memories (and the nightmares) will last forever.

Rocky Mountain – Battlin’ Bears. No information could be found on why they are the Battlin’ Bears or if they have an actual mascot.

Advantage – Orediggers. Charlie Oredigger has a pickax will bury it in the skull of a Battlin’ Bear. Look at him – he’s done it before. To bears and humans.

Best Player Name

Montana Tech – Sophomore OL Mack Ferko. Freshman QB/K Matt Berg has an amazing mustache.

Rocky Mountain – Tie – Freshman WR Jayc VanZee & junior WR Tyzer Cady. But the pictures, my God, the pictures. Best Beard. Carpet doesn’t match the drapes. Captain Caveman. The next Derek Zoolander. So happy. The happiest. Boogie Nights. All the Product. Sasquatch. WTF.

Advantage – Rocky Mountain. They just won the Internet. Forever.

Coaching Staff (Most Awesome Member)

Montana Tech – Head coach / defensive coordinator / defensive backs coach Chuck Morrell. Morrell was the leading tackler on the 1996 NAIA National Championship team at the University of Sioux Falls. He also coached at USF for 12 years, helping the team to five national title games and 3 championships. He also spent a year at South Dakota before taking the top job at Montana Tech. He is a native of Bon Homme, South Dakota.

Rocky Mountain – This guy.

Advantage – Montana Tech. Since I can’t even figure out which coach that is from the Rocky Mountain website, Chuck Morrell wins this one.

Location

Montana Tech – Butte MT. The town’s nickname is Butte America (I don’t get it) and the motto is The Richest Hill on Earth. The population peaked at 60,000 in 1920 and is home to 34,000 people now. Butte began as a mining town for gold and silver, but copper turned out to be plentiful in the area. It had a wide-open reputation as a place where any vice was obtainable. The famous “red-light” district was full of bordellos and brothels and was open until 1982, one of the last such urban districts in the U.S.  Notable natives include former Washington State and Fresno State football coach Jim Sweeney; Olympic medal-winning cyclist Levi Leipheimer; former Colorado State football coach Sonny Lubick; and daredevil Evel Knievel.

Rocky Mountain – Billings, MT. Billings is the largest city in Montana. It is known as the Magic City and its motto is Star of the Big Sky Country. It was founded as a railroad town in 1882 and was named for a former president of the Northern Pacific Railroad. William Clark traveled through the region in 1806 as part of the Lewis & Clark expedition. He carved his name on Pompey’s Piller, a rock formation named for the son of Sacajawea. The inscription can still be seen today and is the only remaining physical evidence found along the expedition route. Notable people include professional poker player Annie Duke; famed PIXAR animator and Oscar nominee Bud Luckey; frontierswoman Calamity Jane; sportscaster Brent Musberger; and aviator Charles Lindbergh.

Advantage – Billings. You’re looking live at Billings, MT as it defeats Butte!

Notable Alumni

Montana Tech – Ryan Lance, CEO of ConocoPhillips.

Rocky Mountain – actor Jason Earles (Hannah Montana); actor and mime Bill Bowers; former NFL WR Chris Horn; and folk singer Arlo Guthie (did not graduate)

Advantage – Rocky Mountain. Smaller colleges yield smaller lists. Rocky Mountain wins this pillow fight.

Decision

Rocky Mountain wins 3-2. Arlo Guthrie broke the tie, but the RMC pictures rule the day.

Northern Iowa @ Youngstown State – Saturday, September 22 @ 6:00 pm CDT

Author: Bristol

Mascot

Northern Iowa – Panthers. TC, the UNI mascot, has his own website.

Youngstown State – Penguins. Learn more about Pete and Penny Penguin and how YSU became the only four-year institution in the United States with the penguin nickname.

Advantage – Penguins. TC might have a website, but TC stands for “The Cat”. If it stood for “Theodore Calvin” they would have won hands down.

Best Player Name

Northern Iowa – Tie – Senior DB Wilmot Wellington & junior LB Sam Tim. Headbands are all the rage.

Youngstown State – Junior SS Twin Fernandes. Best mustache – Fred Herdman.

Advantage – UNI. Headbands and Sam Tim barely edge out Fred’s stache.

Coaching Staff (Most Awesome Member)

Northern Iowa – Tough choices here – have to mention three things. First, this guy‘s goatee. Second, former Nebraska DB Daniel Bullocks is a defensive assistant. Bullocks played 5 years in the NFL with the Detroit Lions. But, the winner is tight ends coach Dan Clark. Clark is the brother of former Iowa TE and current Tampa Bay TE Dallas Clark (and former Iowa State LB Derrik Clark). All three played for my high school’s biggest rival and I played against each of them in at least one sport. Clark was a three-year starter at Simpson College and previously coached at Simpson, Iowa Central Community College and Iowa.

Youngstown State – The YSU staff includes former NFL players Tom Sims (7 years as a DT with the Chiefs and Colts) and Andre Coleman (5 years as a WR/KR for the Chargers, Seahawks & Steelers). Coleman was a 2-time Pro Bowl alternate as a return man who named AFC Special Teams player of the month 4 times. He had 5 return TD’s in his career, plus a 98-yard kickoff return for a score for San Diego in Super Bowl XXIX against San Francisco. Former Miami (OH) head coach Shane Montogomery is also on staff, but the winner in this category is Ron Stoops, Jr. Ron is the least famous member of the Stoops coaching family and the only brother who did not play football at Iowa. Ron coached at the high school level for 28 years before joining Youngstown State in 2010. He spent 9 seasons at perennial powerhouse Cardinal Mooney High in Youngstown, where his father, Ron Sr., coached for years. Nebraska head coach Bo Pelini and boxer Ray “Boom Boom” Mancini attended Cardinal Mooney in addition to the Stoops brothers.

Advantage – Youngstown State. Great category this time around. Andre Coleman’s Super Bowl kickoff return and the Stoops family give YSU the edge.

Location

Northern Iowa – Cedar Falls, IA. It was founded in 1845 by William Sturgis and originally named Sturgis Falls. The town was renamed for its proximity to the Cedar River a few years later after the Sturgis family had moved on. However, the family name is still honored during an annual three-day celebration called the Sturgis Falls Celebration. Cedar Falls is connected to Waterloo, where the sister of yours truly lives. Notable people from Cedar Falls include actress Annabeth Gish; actor Michael Mosley (Drew from the seasons of Scrubs that never happened); Robert James Waller, author of Bridges of Madison County; former Nebraska and NFL player (and noted dipshit) Trev Alberts; former MLB umpire Don Dekinger, who made the infamous call in the 1985 World Series; and former NBA head coach Terry Stotts.

Youngstown State – Youngstown, OH. The city was named for John Young, an early settler who established the first sawmill and gristmill in the area. Sitting in the heart of the Rust Belt, Youngstown was a center for steel production until that industry fell into decline in the 1970s. The General Motors’ Lordstown Assembly plant has buoyed the economy since the dip in the steel industry and is the area’s largest industrial employer. Notable people from Youngstown not already mentioned include musicians Robert and Ronald Bell, members of Kool & the Gang; Harry Burt, the creator of the Good Humor ice cream bar; attorney Clarence Darrow; William McKinley, the 25th president of the United States; director Chris Columbus (Home Alone); musician Dave Grohl; a crapload of football players (Maurice Clarett, Bernie Kosar, Paul Warfield and the Browner brothers among many others); and actress Catherine Bach (Daisy Duke from the original Dukes of Hazzard).

Advantage – Youngstown. This category was already a rout before we got to Daisy Duke.

Notable Alumni

Northern Iowa – My sister; U.S. Senator Charles Grassley; John Hall, the founder of the Goose Island Brewing Company; current Creighton men’s basketball head coach (and noted inbound play genius) Greg McDermott; 1995 NFL Defensive Player of the year Bryce Paup; and two-time NFL MVP and Super Bowl XXXIV MVP Kurt Warner.

Youngstown State – New Mexico head coach Bob Davie; former NFL executive Carmen Policy; former NFL QB Cliff Stoudt; shoe company marketing executive Sonny Vaccaro; former MLB pitcher Dave Dravecky; former NFL QB and current talking head Ron Jaworski; former Kansas head coach Mark Mangino; and actor Ed O’Neill.

Advantage – Youngstown State. Al Bundy titled the scales in favor of Youngstown State metaphorically after Mark Mangino did so literally.

Decision

A very fun “preview” to write ends up 4-1 in favor of Youngstown State.